I have got to say that so far this new year suck. . . I know people get old and die, its just that dealing with all the memories hurts. I'm usually fine when I am around people but when I am walking around by myself I feel a lump in my throat that wont go away. I don't get really hungry and I don't really feel like eating but I do because I don't think grandma would want me to wither away. But it just feels so overwhelming, and I don't know what to do with myself. I can say that I am a strong person, but I don't think that I really am. I'm just hoping to get over my grief and start healing. I know she is better off then suffering, but I can't help but feel sad. I feel sluggish like I'm walking in water trying to make my way around, not really hearing, not really thinking. I hope after the funeral that I will like there has been some closer.
I don't think any one really reads this other then my self but, if you have people that you love and haven't talk to them in awhile they dont have to old, they don't have to be sick but you never know what life might bring, go see them, talk to them. Don't regret it after they are gone cause they can't come back to chat. If there were thing you want to know, or recipes you like to have best ask before its gone. Silence can't answer your questions. Don't let them go not knowing that you loved them, that you were proud etc... Because then you are left with more questions that cannot be answered.
1 comment:
In my opinion, I don't think you've got anything to regret. You did everything you could have reasonably done for your Grandma and you visited her whenever it was possible for you to do so.
And I know you think you could have been there more, but how could you have been? Between your working two jobs and going to college, it just was not possible. And you know your Grandma knew this and she supported you still. She clearly wanted you to rise above and succeed. She always, always said that to me and especially to you.
I know it is cliche to say this, but I believe these words hold true: Time will heal all wounds.
And when that time comes, I don't doubt you will be a better person for it. Your Grandma might not be here with us, but you know in your heart that she is watching over you. Make her proud! Succeed and become the person we know you can be!
And hit those stairs... that was her wish too. ^_^
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